Mom Guilt (Straight guilt trippin)

What about what I want? Two year adult tantrum:

Mommy guilt is real! I am am Mom -true. But I am also someone who needs sleep and food (that I actually like to eat). How come every time I grocery shop the buggy is full of everything the kids eat. So, when I get home and unload groceries all I have is a bottle of wine? So, when it’s time to snack all I have is go gurts , gold fish, and halos. I mean really I need some adult snacks. There has to be a better separation here, and it starts with me. When I shop I go by my grocery list I have made prior to the grocery store trip- The list consist of what the kids need , and like household items, such as-cleaning supplies, toilet paper, and so on. But what about what I want ? My husband is gone working all week-so besides the kids I just gotta worry about what I want. Do you know how many times I have picked up items for myself-go down another isle grab what the kids need, on my way to check out-as I am counting the items in my cart-because yes I have a budget-I find myself throwing what I originally picked out for myself back on the shelves like one of those crazy, dramatic, over the top cartoon characters.

 

007 Grocery Store Trip:

I feel like I  need a separate grocery store trip for myself. Hmmm…that actually doesn’t sound too bad! Be bold, confident, and swift about a buggy full of all the adult snacks I want?  I’m so down for that. I have to get better. Oh, but this is not just grocery store problems… NO ma’am! I could be going to Target specifically  for something I need…new sweats, hair products etc. But end up looking around for the kids and BOOM! I have accomplished once again buying nothing for me…Ok, maybe a coffee mug that I couldn’t part with- but that totally was not on my list. So, I am back at square one-old jacked up sweats, dirty hair and a NEW coffee mug. WTF gives…. Mommin is tough-but I quickly remember that bottle of wine I snatched off the shelf at the grocery store, and  I am happy again. Go gurts, gold fish, halos and wine it is!

There has got to be a better way:

What’s the plan? Hell, I don’t know. It’s a mental thing I think..or am I just telling myself that. I guess maybe I have to remember my kids don’t need every snack in the store and maybe it’s okay to get myself the sweet n’ salty popcorn instead of the Doritos they beg for! Most of the time I try and do my quick grocery shopping while the kids are at school-because when they are with me they somehow talk me into buying a bunch of crap that I did not dedicate my budget to. ” But Mom” gets me every time. Be strong I tell myself, be strong…SIKE! Who am I fooling- as I sulk on the way to the register and whip the buggy around  (like I’m playing a role in the Fast and Furious 10) to deposit the items in the cart they so kindly begged for. Oh, the grocery store torture. So, maybe it’s not Mom guilt? Maybe it’s called putting your children first…Nope, it’s straight Mom Guilt.

 

So tell me I’m not the only one? What’s your Mom guilt? How do you handle it? Comment below.

 

Thanks for reading my guilt trip story-that I so need to get over ♥

 

Posted by: Ivy B.

Stay-at-home Mom update

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I found a grey hair!!!! The end…Ok, just kidding. But seriously I did find a grey hair and I ran to grab my twelve year old son to look under the light to confirm. I said to myself… “So, this is what we are doing now huh?” Geezzz… I guess I have no other choice but to embrace it. Does the grey hair confirm I am hitting the age of wisdom at 31 years old? Or is this grey hair telling me “Yes, High School is over you and you are really really an adult?” Is it weird to feel like you are still in high school, but you just have adult responsibilities? I mean I don’t think I ever feel like an adult on the inside. Every birthday I’m waiting for it to happen…I’m waiting to feel like an adult or feel like I have aged. It just doesn’t happen. I am not sure I have fully digested that I am really a Mom?- I feel like I am babysitting three kids that won’t go home!

 The Update:

It’s been four months since my last update-My nine year old cut his own hair with  paper. cutting scissors and he wrote his first love song/love letter. My twelve year old is growing like a weed, so is his hair- and he is growing out of the kiddie table. Conversations are different, and heart attack worthy. My five year old is getting bossier , sassy, and swears she is in control of her life and her brother’s lives. You can’t tell her nothing now that she can read. (So no more spelling words in front of her to talk in code) She is so eagerly watching my every move-she has more and more questions than I can answer.

I feel like a Circus Clown:

It’s been a little over a year since I became a sahm. I am still learning more and more , and still trying to juggle it all.  Trying to keep a schedule for myself to get things done is still a work in progress. I am always saying what I need to be doing, and what should be done-but my husband constantly reassures me that I have to stop being so hard on myself, and what gets done, gets done. I guess I can’t argue with that. Now, that the holidays have commenced- there are more teacher work days-and the long holiday breaks . (These kids got it good nowadays) When were we out of school this much? Trying to keep the kids busy so they don’t strangle one another is a task within itself. Lord, help me!

 

Keep in mind, Keep your cool: The kids are watching

I have to talk myself into calm mode when things are getting out of hand. Yelling is not going to get them to listen-but when I have said it five times over- I have reached my limit, and now you feel the wrath of MAMA BEAR JOE! (If you know my nickname -you know who this is) In my moment of cool down- I have to remember that there is a better way to handle certain situations. My kids feel my frustration, they can feel tension- and the last memory I want them to have of me is yelling and screaming. So, it’s important for me to step away and pray, reflect, and recollect. Even though it’s all their fault! Ha! j/k…

Split Personality:

I definitely feel like I am three different people. Because of the age difference my kids need a different me, a different response, a different approach, different chastising and so on. It’s so real  I am thinking of naming all three of me, and giving my kids that assigned name to call me! Maybe this will eliminate the confusion? Too much? One thing that is not different is my love for them. No matter what-I love them all the same.

 

Inspired:

This years Presidential Election has inspired my kids immensely. Both CJ and Kaylee have decided to run for president of the house. They each made a list of what they would offer around the house-such as :making coffee, making cereal, free time, making pizza, buying a trampoline, etc.  They taped the individual sheets with the list of duties on the wall, and at the bottom of each sheet read “Tally here ⇓” -knocked my socks off! Little do they know ….Mommy and Daddy are the President and First Lady of this house! But I love how they were inspired. Our kids hear, see and watch when we don’t think they are. They had so many questions about the election this year. It really blew me away. I like the fact that my kids are learning how to be leaders in their own right. They don’t even know it-but they have inspired me.  (Shhh!! I voted for both of them ;))

 

(To all my Mom’s—working, sahm, work from home sahm)  What have you learned about yourself and your kids these last couple of months? What do your kids do to inspire you? Comment below!

 

Posted by: Ivy B.

 

Thanks for reading ♥

 

 

 

 

 

Heat Damage! 5 tips to healthy hair

A NEW video is up on my YouTube Channel. Today, I am talking about the heat damage I am experiencing at this stage in my two year natural hair journey. It’s totally devastating that after only getting my hair straightened  twice since I have been natural , and my hair colored twice that my hair turned out to be DAMAGED GOODS!! Have you experienced heat damage?! I am talking all about it, and giving you 5 tips to stick by on your way back to your natural healthy state.  Click the link below and check it out! Be sure to SUBSCRIBE. LIKE. AND COMMENT  ♥

Thanks for watching

Posted by: Ivy B.

What do Women want? (Everything) 5 questions you should ask yourself

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We want it all:

We want to be in good health, great friends, supportive friends. We want great relationships with our spouses/or boyfriends. Working women want  great pay-and the credit they deserve for modeling the perfection of what an amazing employee is. Stay at home mom’s want to be the best SAHM they can be. House clean from top to bottom, the best peanut butter & jelly sandwich making, perfect apple cutting, kids bathed and in the bed on time managing , and present to every school event with fresh muffins in hand. Women want to be the best friend they can be-they want to be dependable, loyal and trustworthy. Women want to be the best wife a husband could every ask for. We want to please our husbands, carry the load of the house, and still look like not one hair on our head is out of place. Can women have it all?

Truth of the matter is:

It starts with us. The expectations we are setting for ourselves-are they realistic? How important are they? It starts with self guidance and personal leadership. How another women is “having it all” should not affect yours. We have to understand what we are doing and how important it is to us. We have to know our worth- For example:If you are that working woman, and you know you kick butt at work everyday, on time, dependable, killing it under pressure, put up with crap you don’t have to, and you feel underpaid- you know you are worth more…go get it. Your boss ain’t handing out free raises. So, get what’s yours, and be strong about it. You can have it all! Why not get everything you can out of life. We only live once-just once.

Mind over matter:

Every thought, every word, every motive starts in our minds. If you feel like a shitty person everyday-and you keep telling yourself you are a shitty person. Well, I hate to break it to you-but you are a shitty person. We can’t allow ourselves to knock us down. We only react off of what we think we are to ourselves and other people. Whatever you put out into the universe will boomerang you right back in the head. Giving yourself opportunity is the best thing you can do. Because with opportunity comes an open door, and it’s up to us on whether or not we decide to walk through it. It’s our fault we don’t have it all. You know why? Because the moment someone tells us we can’t -we have already programmed in our minds that it’s not even remotely possible. When someone tries to persuade you to believe other wise about what you are doing-that is just their own insecurity talking because they are afraid of trying. Your state of mind is everything. You have to really believe it first before you can actually take action to gain whatever your “ALL” is.

We are all different:

We were not all born the same. God gave each of us an individual talent that is just for us. You can’t go out and chase another woman’s “ALL”. What I feel like is “having it all” might be different from yours, so no, we are not going to travel the same path, and we are not going to have the same goals. And that’s just that. Scratching and sniffing at someone else’s get’s you  nowhere, but looking crazy. Find your own path and go get it! So, I leave you with this-

Five questions you should ask yourself:

  1. What does “having it all” mean to you?
  2. Do you believe you can obtain everything you desire?
  3. What are your expectations?
  4. Are they realistic?
  5. What’s the plan?

Bonus* Before moving forward you have to work on yourself, and stay in your lane.

If you answered yes to all of these… I believe  you’re on your way to having everything you need and desire. You see, I don’t believe it takes much at all. We just have to remember the power we possess as women.

What does “having it all to you” mean?

Thanks for reading♥

Posted by: Ivy

Baby Fever? (a new addition)

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Not the baby fever you’re thinking about… LOL! I want a baby puppy. I mean I think I do anyway. My kids are growing up so fast. All three are in school now. No more bottles, pampers, and thank you Lord no more child care. Not that I don’t have enough on my plate as it is. I really think I want a puppy. Or is it just the fact that my kids are not babies anymore, and I’m feeling some type of way about that? Maybe…but I think it would be a nice addition to our family (as I say that in slow motion)

Put in work: 

Now there are definitely pros and cons when caring for a pet.Having a dog is something like having a child. I will constantly have to clean up after it… by dog food, and all the other accessories. Taking the dog out for potty time, walking the dog. Not to mention if the dog gets sick or something like that-that comes along with vet visits. Finding a sitter for the dog. Ha! I can’t even find a sitter for my kids. Okay, I think I am slowly talking myself out of this bright idea of mine. It’s such a huge responsibility to take on, and a big commitment.

Puppy Love:

So I know people with pets who pretty much treat them like kids. They love the crap out of their pets. I ask myself am I capable of loving a dog like that? Am I an animal person? I had a chocolate lab in high school when I was living in Alaska. We got her when she was super little-we named her Chilli-she was cute and adorable. Until she got big! And when she got big, I was out! I didn’t want nothing to do with her. That’s sad huh? I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t even want to pet her. We would keep her on a leash outside in the entrance way to the front door. I would run past real fast to avoid her! I think I just answered my own question. See that’s why I need a really small dog that stays that way FOREVER.

The dog might not make it:

Then there is my kids. I am worried my kids might kill it. Throw it off the top bunk to see if it can fly like Underdog! Or feed it Debbie cakes, and Takis-to see how the dog will react to hot chips. I could definitely see my kids doing that.  Or, Kaylee playing baby doll with the dog. Trying to put baby doll clothes on it, sneaking water from the bathroom, and putting it in the play dishes for the dog. Playing hide and seek with the dog-but nobody can find it because they accidentally locked it up in the room. This could be a really bad idea!

Doggy Smell:

No matter how frequent or how good you clean a dog…it still has that “dog smell” Ya’ll know what I’m talking about? That wet bird smell… I just don’t know if I can take that. After having the dog for a while- I might become immune to the smell…but getting use to it is something I am sure I will struggle with. I’m scrunching my face up now thinking about it. Do they have doggy perfume? LOL! (seriously)

Memories:

I think about how much of a joy it might be to have the dang dog around. It would have a space in our family photos. Bond with the kids-waiting for them to come home from school. Jumping in the bed with the kids, playing with them. Picking up on the kids voices and their smells. Kind of like a new brother or sister for them that they would fall in love with. We would come up with ways to pick out a name for the dog. Laughing at all the silly names the kids come up with for it, and narrowing it down from there. Those are the moments I think about that would be with us forever.

I try to factor all these pros and cons-and I’m still not absolutely sure. It’s already like a jungle in this house, and me adding a dog is like volunteering more chaos. Okay, maybe we should just get a gold fish!

Have you guys added any pets into the mix? How did it go? Have you given the pet away yet? HELP!

Thanks for reading♥

Posted by: Ivy

Who were you before you became a Mom?

 

 

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Hi Ladies! Let’s talk. I thought it would be a good idea to open a discussion on this topic, because I think its totally healthy to reflect back on the woman you were before your womb was invaded! Were you wild and in these streets? ha! Where you reserved? Would curse anybody who rubbed you the wrong way? Were you a push over? Were you independent? Knew what you wanted, and how to get it? Where you stubborn?  Was it all about you? Have your group of friends changed? Were you lacking something then, that would make you better today? So, you get the picture right?!

Story time:

I had my son at a young age… I was nineteen years old, dating my boyfriend at the time (who is now my husband) we moved in together when my son was four months old-bought a home in one year, and we begin to start our little family. Most people would say we did it backwards. But I beg to differ… I learned a lot about myself having each one of my children- some things were not so pleasant, and some were just fine. My friends have definitely changed…actually constantly changed (sad to say) I was not really confident in who I was-well I wasn’t really sure who I was, and that absolutely shows by the company you keep.  I never had time to grow-up quiet like a “nineteen year old” should have I guess… I never lived on my own-I didn’t enroll in college- having a baby at a young age- I was in straight Mom mode about a year after I graduated high school. So, not that you can’t do all those things as a  Mom. Mom life was just my first priority. I did do some online classes when my son was a about a year old-but that was short lived. I wasn’t dedicated to school at all… it just wasn’t for me.

Experience: 

I learned who I was by experience. I met my Dad for the first time when I was twenty one years old. As we developed a relationship-that was also short lived. Our relationship was on and off-here and there. The last time I saw my Dad my middle child was two-weeks old, and he is now nine years old- you do the math. But you know it really didn’t bother me that much considering you really can’t miss anything you never had right?  I had to go through some things that helped me grow into the woman I am today. Haven’t we all?! I’m not going to lie, I use to think back on how my Dad was not present- I just couldn’t understand why -why would my Dad not want me?, why wouldn’t he want to be in my life, what did I do, I am innocent in all this. How could he not want me in his life. In fact, that was the very first question I asked him “Why?” I just couldn’t imagine not knowing about my kids well-being, not being present in their everyday life. That definitely gave me a complex. This was an intricate part in my life. I use to think how different my life would be  growing up if I was raised in a house hold with both of my parents-if I had my Father in my life instilling in me the confidence that I needed, giving me advice about boys. Showing me what to look for in a husband by the way he treated my Mother. Having that awkward Father/Daughter conversation about protecting my heart, and my secret place. Not that my Mother did’t teach me these principals. She did and she did a great job.But to hear from a Father – a Man… having that Father’s strong words present in your life is powerful. The first Man in your life you love-the first Man in your life you wish not to disappoint. I can stand here and  say the absence of my Father did not affect the person I am today. I have done a pretty good job in being able to obtain everything I needed by experience and my Mother trying her best filling in that void.

I am not regretful: 

I would say the path I took to “Adult Hood” I wouldn’t change it. It made me stronger, wiser, and I learned tons along the way. All that I experienced gave me the strength I needed to raise my children. When I was pregnant with my daughter- I cried for her because I was so happy that God had blessed her with her Father- She was getting what I didn’t have, and if I had to go through life without experiencing a two parent home  for her to be able to…I would live through that again. For my boys to have a present Father to lead them by example of hard work, taking care of your family, and how to be a Man. It’s priceless! So, who was I before I became a Mom? Unaware- unaware of life and all it had in store for me. Unaware of the woman I would become. Unaware of the strength I would contain. Unaware of the Mother God knew I would be. God gave me my beautiful children who would only make me stronger. A stronger individual, a stronger wife, a resilient woman and AWARE!

“A Woman is like a tea bag- you never know how strong she is until she gets in the hot water”

-Eleanor Roosevelt

When you look back over your life-can you remember who you were then, and are you comfortable with who you have become?

 

 

Thanks for reading♥

 

Posted by: Ivy

 

Monday Mommy Must Have: Growth

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How have I grown being a Stay-at-home-Mom?

 “Now that you are a SAHM, what do you do”?: I have been asked this question on several occasions. I’m growing that’s what I’m doing. LOL!  Staying busy and growing as a  Wife, Mother, and an individual. When I was working as a Dental Assistant – I honestly felt like that was my life…80% Dental Assistant, and 20% Mom. Now, that I am home. I am 100% Mom.  Since I have been home I have learned so much about my children, and myself. What they need from me, and what I need from ME. I am here and present for their needs. I have learned what I can handle , and what I can’t.  I am more attentive, and living in the present moment. I am better at managing my time. I learned to be BY MYSELF. As lonely as that may sound… I feel it is imperative  to take time out to be by yourself. To figure out what it is you want out of life, and the steps you have to take in order to start traveling in that direction. I have learned my level of tolerance . I have learned not only what I can tolerate when it comes to my kids, but also what I can tolerate when it comes to grown folks….trust me my tolerance is slim to none! I have learned that loving and knowing who you are sets the tone for the path you will walk.

I have learned to be vigilant: steering clear of situations and people who are not good for me. When you are on the road to growth-it is hard for others to understand, but you have to allow the process to take place. Being aware is not a bad thing. Being aware doesn’t mean to get rid of or to dismiss. It means to know about-having a sense of discernment. Continue to be present in the areas you want to grow in, and do what is necessary- I promise you won’t regret it.

 

Growth: To grow is to water, nourish, love, protect, and develop. We all have areas in which we want to be better. So, let’s start with ourselves. Growth is just taking the next step to improve. Don’t be afraid of it. Embrace it. Enjoy it. Learn from it. You deserve to be a better you. Not just for you but for others around you. For all my Mommy’s out there- stay focused and stay motivated- being a Mother is not the only area we are growing in. Take the time to progress.

I hope I have encouraged you hot Mamas out there! Just a little Monday Motivation-

 

Thanks for reading ♥

Continue to grow.

 

Posted By: Ivy